Growing up, sex was a bad word. There was a taboo about the word that made me fear the idea of it. My parents quickly taught me about sex before sugar coating it with a ruby ring, which is all I took out of the conversation. Even in church when the law of chastity lesson came up, the teachers were awkward and the lessons painful. As a result, I was probably around 16 when I found out what sex was through media, friends, and any other sources that did not provide me with accurate or helpful information. Sean E. Brotherson wrote an article titled Fulfilling the Sexual Stewardship in Marriage, He shares how in the church there are two dialogues that we teach. The first being about how Satan seeks to exploit sex and how we need to steer clear from the harmful effects of abusing sexual relations. He goes on to talk about a third dialogue that is often left out, “about the sanctity, power and emotional depth of proper sexual intimacy in the companionship of a married husband and wife“. I think it is important to understand this quote more fully, so I want to break it down.
Sanctity. I think it is important to help kids understand why sex is a private conversation. We should not openly discuss our sexual relationships because they are bad, but because it is a sacred act. Power. Sex has many amazing abilities, one of which is to procreate. Respecting that power of procreation is important in sex because this power is a gift not to be used lightly. Another power that comes from sexual relations is the bond a husband and wife can achieve when using sex appropriately. This bond can bring us closer only when we again respect sex and the power it holds in our life. Emotional Depth. This goes along with the power of the bond we create with our spouse. I cannot remember where I read this, but I remember it talking about how a man feels closes to his wife during sex and that is when he finally feels love towards her. The reason is because the women has completely placed her trust in him when she allows him to enter her. Sex creates a bond and when we constantly throw it around to anyone it loses its depth and becomes an empty shell of self-loathing attitude.
Proper Sexual Intimacy. Proper, what does that mean? Spencer W. Kimball said “If it is unnatural, you just don’t do it. That is all, and all the family life should be kept clean and worthy and on a very high plane. There are some people who have said that behind the bedroom doors anything goes. That is not true and the Lord would not condone it.” It was once said to me that if you stop feeling like a daughter of God, you should stop. There is no list of what is right in the bedroom and what is wrong. There is only the feelings you feel when you are with your spouse. Proper can mean anything, but make sure your always feel like a Child of God.
Companionship of a married husband and wife. Sex is a beautiful act but only when it is done once you are legally and lawfully wedded. When you choose to break the law of chastity, you abuse the three points made, sanctity, power, and emotional depth. You lose the sanctity of sex because it becomes a casual relation between two or more consenting adults. You lose the power because you abuse the procreation by either terminating the gift given or allowing the child to be raised in a single parent home. You lose the emotional depth because you start to turn your emotions off when you start to exploit your body so you can become numb to the feelings of guilt.
Sex is not a taboo to be feared. It should not be an awkward conversation when discussing with your kids or teaching in churches. It should be an opportunity to discuss that sex is a wonderful and beautiful act that should be respected by saving it for marriage where it can be used in a manner that is pleasing to the Lord.
Marriage Insights 