In Dr. Goddard’s book Drawing Heaven Into Your Marriage, He shares a quote by President Brigham Young “If you could only see your husband as he will be in the glorious resurrection, this very husband you now say you despise, your first impulse would be to kneel and worship him“. When we look at our spouse, do we see what he is now or do you look deeper and see what God’s sees, his potential. Looking at your spouse and finding them as an object to be dealt with will create a ‘heart of war’ (Anatomy of Peace) inside of you.
The Arbinger Institute came out with a book titled The Anatomy of Peace. This book tells a story about a group of diverse parents and how they can help their children. But it focuses on making sure we see every acquaintance as a person and not objectify them. When we stop to look at our spouse as a person, with feelings, desires, and thoughts just like you, we will develop a ‘heart of peace’ (Anatomy of Peace) towards our spouse and be more prepared to turn towards them even when they show anger.
A college student shared his personal story how he decided to turn towards his wife, without her knowing his experiment. He found that as he started, she too would reciprocate. This story goes along with what Dr. Gottman shares in his third principle, that turning towards our spouses is letting our “spouse know he or she is valued during the grind of everyday life“. When we show them we care and we are aware of their needs we are being able to grow our marriage and connection with each other.
Marriage Insights 