“Nothing is as constant as change” -President Monson.
Dr. Gottman shares 7 principles in making a marriage work. The first two principles are ‘Enhance your Love Map‘ and the second is ‘Nurture your Fondness and Admiration‘. Both of these principles use action words ‘enhance‘ and ‘nurture‘ he is implying that no matter how strong a relationship is it can always get better. He also say at the end of his first two principles that the readers should do them often. He recognizes that as humans we change over time and if we are not constantly checking in our spouse, we’ll wake up one morning not knowing the person in bed next to us.
In the book Mindset by Carol Dweck she focuses on teaching about having a growth mindset over a fixed mindset. A growth mindset believes we can achieve anything with effort while a fixed mindset believe in innate ability. Dr. Goddard mentions having the right mindset in his book Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage. Being ‘good’ at marriage is not an innate talent. We need to put effort into it like Dr. Gottman talks about, taking action in knowing and love our spouse. It wont just happen.
My sister is going through some struggles with her fiance and I shared with her a quote from Bruce Hafen’s book Covenant Hearts “Don’t try to make him into what you want him to be. You fell in love with what he is. He will still grow. But you’ll learn from experience to trust what he does rather than jumping to negative conclusions when you don’t understand something.” (Paraphrased advice from one of Bruce Hafen’s children to his youngest). Trust in the friendship you had and begin to know who they have changed into as they change. We should not wait for that morning when we no longer know our spouse but everyday continue to learn about them as they change.
Marriage Insights 